Friday, August 20, 2010

I'm stuck and need a way out...?

I don't really know where to begin...I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now, and I really don't know why we are still together. It's obvious that both of us are unhappy..even though he says he isn't. I can tell he's unhappy because he's just so angry all the time. The passion, romance, in love feeling is gone, and at 25 I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.





We live together, and have for some time, and we have such a boring, routine life. Monday through Friday we each get up and get ready for work, barely speaking, then when we get home I make dinner, we eat and then watch TV or one of us reads. When we do watch TV together we don't cuddle like we used to. In fact, we don't even sit together that much. I go to bed early and read, fall asleep and then he comes in sometime later. That repeats every week. On the weekends when we're off, I get up early and make myself breakfast, run errands if need be and then read or relax at home. He sleeps in, gets up and makes himself breakfast and then he may want to get out of the house for a second to run an errand and then he comes home and watches TV. We don't go do anything on the weekends anymore, not even see a movie. We don't go out for dinner or drinks in the evening. We stay home. If I feel like going to a bar or local pub I go with a friend. Any of my weekend social activities involve my friends only, not my boyfriend. He even opts out of going to family events with me...and you know what, I even prefer it that way now because I don't want to have to listen to him say he's bored or ask my a hundred times if we can go. When my friends invite the both of us over for dinner or something, I always go without him because he doesn't want to go (says he doesn't like my friends) nor do I want him to go. I have more fun without him, and that's not the kind of relationship I want. I want to be with someone that I want do things with and go places with, someone whose social and likes to mingle. Now, my boyfriend can talk your ear off and will talk to anyone, which can be good, but a lot of time he comes off as an aggressive talker, like a know-it-all.





The physical part of our relationship is non-existent. We are not intimate at all anymore. Maybe once a month, maybe. And the thing is, I don't want to be intimate with him. I don't get turned on anymore. The few times we are physical it's just to the point and done, no passion or teasing. It's very dull and boring, so I would rather not do it at all. And that's not who I am. I am a very physical person who loves to snuggle and cuddle and touch and kiss and who likes to be intimate, but I don't want to do any of those things with my boyfriend.





So now you're probably wondering why I just don't say, ';See ya,'; and go. Well, if it were that easy I would. Luckily we don't own a house together, we rent one, nor do we share a bank account, but we do have dogs together. Some of you are like, ';So, big deal,'; but my dogs are like my kids. I love them very much, and they mean the world to me. And he loves them too. One is pretty much his dog because they have a deeper bond, and another is pretty much mine because he never leaves my side. But the third takes to us both, however, I cannot part with him. Ever! No way, no how. I want all three, but I couldn't do that to him. However, the other two are mine, but he won't agree to that. Now, I am the sole provider for all the dogs. I pay 100% of their food, medications, grooming and vet visits. Just me. And that's because he can't afford it, which is why I would want all three if we split up. He wouldn't be able to give any of them the care they deserve. I also pay 100% of the utilities %26amp; groceries, 70% of the rent and 100% of all other things we do, like ordering in or the rare occasion when we see a movie or go to a restaurant. So needless to say, I am the bread winner, which is probably why he pretends our relationship is fine because he's got it made. I even used some of my tax refund to pay off his debt so that he could start building new credit. And you know what he did when I told him? He yelled at me for not paying it off the way he wanted it paid off. He called me horrible names and broke my stuff by throwing it on the ground several times. That's how he said thank you...like I said in the beginning, he's angry all the time now.





Another issue is that I love the house we have. Perfect location and a huge backyard for the dogs. I don't want to leave it. Granted I could afford to live there on my own, but if we break up I don't want him knowing where I live and the ways to get into the house. He is the type that would get drunk and pissed one night and come do something cruel as revenge. His anger is another reason it's hard to just up and leave. He thinks he is always right and that I should just agree with him all the time, which I don't, so we argue a lot. Sometimes he gets so mad at me for talking back to him that he gets right up in my face anI'm stuck and need a way out...?
you should try telling him that you are considering moving and breaking up. see if that makes him change his tune...he he doesnt react...then he doesnt care.


if he does...see if he makes any changes...and how long they last for. remember, a leopard doesnt change its spots.


as hard as breaking up is...(which becomes hard because of the change involved)...perhaps it might be better for both of you.I'm stuck and need a way out...?
wow, im in the same shoes. good luck!
wow it sounds like to me you are ready to end things. if i was you i would tell him how i felt and ask him what do you want from all this. and if there's no intimacy or love there then what's the point anymore. just talk to him and tell him your feelings/concerns if that don't work then leave you can find someone better out there who will care for you and show you the love that you deserve.
The only thing more complicated than a relationship, a break-up. They are so hard to initiate, once you do, everything around you changes. I'm stuck too, very similar to you. I hope you get the dogs, he's so unappreciative of all that you did for him.
I was in the same situation.... eventually you are just going to have to decide what is more important... that awesome house etc etc or your happiness.





I left everything...an amazing house, cars, pets and I can't tell you how much happier I am now. It was hard at first, but a year later I realized that I'm 26, I deserve to be happy.





You only live once girl, don't stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons. Try talking to him again or making plans for you guys to try and go do things that will break up the weekly routines. maybe that will help save the relationship a little.
LEAVE HIM. Take the dogs with you. You don't need that BS. If he wants to visit the dogs, so be it. But you can't make yourself miserable just to make your dogs happy...? Sounds like you are looking for an excuse to stay in a co-dependent, abusive relationship. It will never get better....do something!!! I did..and I am SOOOO much happier now...
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