My boyfriend and I have had problems for a long time. We want to get back to normal now. How do we do that?

(This first paragraph is all over the place because so much has happened in the past 5 months, I don't know how to even start writing about it, so I'm just going to try and summarize the main points...if it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry)





Before I say anything, we're both males and this is our first relationship. My boyfriend and I have been fighting for about 5 months over stupid little things. I used to freak out on him for little stuff and my own insecurities. However, I used to ask him why he doesn't show me affection and he would say things like ';Why should I have to show you if you know it's there?'; and he'd also hide a lot of his past from me or keep secrets. As the fights progressively got worse, he would start saying really harsh, mean things like ';I'd rather watch porn than be with you. I hate you. You're not important to me, you're the bottom of the totem pole in my eyes. I don't even acknowledge your existence when I'm angry.'; and that made me cry countless times. We broke up twice last week but I managed to cool him down because we both know that we want to be with each other and we're amazingly compatible and have everything in common, we just have lots of cultural, family, and personal differences. He's asian and I'm white. He didn't grow up receiving a lot of attention or affection from his family, I grew up receiving a hell of a lot of attention and affection. He says privacy is the biggest thing in his life and I am an open book to the people I trust. He tells me that he loves me, but then he refuses to let me into his life, share things with me, tell me about his past, show me affection, give me attention, etc. Then he complains because I tell him that I doubt he loves me or I doubt he wants to be with me since he never shows anything. We will spend 5-6 hours a DAY fighting over this and last night, after a blow up, I looked at him and just said ';Really? You're going to break up with me because YOU constantly argue with me? I had problems in the past but as soon as you expressed dislike for it, I changed it for you. However, I tell you that I feel bad about things you do and say ';what can I do to help you feel better?'; so I tell you, but then you argue with me and say ';I shouldn't have to do that.'; An example is that if I tell him that I'm feeling down about something, he asked how he could help. I told him that he should give me encouraging words but instead, he blows up on me and is like ';WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS DOWN?'; Also, when we fight over something I can give him proof that he's wrong. Physical proof that his idea, feeling, tactic, whatever is the wrong way (or rather, not the quickest way to success/happiness...) to handle something, but he's like ';I don't care. I'm right. This is how I'll handle it and if I fail, I fail.';





Anyway, we decided last night that ultimately, we're done fighting and we just want to be happy with each other. I told him that I couldn't handle it anymore, that I was done with fighting and he just needed to give up fighting over STUPID things (that he even says are stupid! Yet, he still fights me over it.) During the conversation, he got really down and he was like ';Why do you want to be with me, I'm such a horrible, mean, cruel person to you and I treat you like crap...'; I told him that I could help him fix that if he'd just listen to me, so he agreed. After that, He told me how to take care of him, I told him how to take care of me and we're working really hard trying to please the other.





The problem now is that we're kind of awkward around each other now. We still touch each other, cuddle, kiss, talk, and hang out, but there are many long silences, many moments where we don't really do anything...and then we both get a little depressed because we remember the past and how much time we've spent in the past 5 months arguing and fighting over things that could have been solved in about 10 minutes. When that happens, we don't really want to do anything and we're just all blaaaaggghhh because we're depressed and fearful that the past will repeat itself over the littlest thing.





How do we get back to normal? How to we get back to smiling when we're around each other and laughing and being happy to have the other in our life? Back to just having a good time, enjoying each others' company, and just being fun...Do we just need time? The only problem with that is that he is moving 5 hours away in 11 days and we want to get to somewhat normal before he goes back.My boyfriend and I have had problems for a long time. We want to get back to normal now. How do we do that?
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