Why don't my parents let my boyfriend stay over?

I am a 17 year old girl who is turning 18 in exactly 1 month and I've been with my boyfriend 11 months and 15 days so nearly a year. He is the same age as me, in fact 6 days older than me. We have been in a sexual relationship since our second month together and my mum knows that and I'm pretty sure she has told my dad when I first told her which was pretty much straight away. My parents have told me they like my boyfriend and have no problem with him staying over but on the sofa in the living room and they've told me this is to prove that he;s not just after sex. We both had a concrete friendship for 3 and a half years in highschool before our reunion in college and starting our relationship and we both know each other inside out and that not one of us is just after sex. I had another sexual relationship before my current boyfriend for 3 months which ended becuase he was using me for just sex and my parents knew about this also. I have a younger brother (16) and sister (13) who are both old enough to understand mine and my boyfriends situation and both know that we are in a sexual relationship and have been for a while and have no problem with it. However, my parents will not let my boyfriend stay over and stay in the same room i.e sleep together. I've brought up the fact that we will both be 18 and it's up to us to make our own decisions now and we both respect the rules of the house but we just feel like we're not treated as maturely as we've handled the situation and yet my mum keeps bringin up that it doesnt matter if we can't sleep together and spend the night together, we can go have sex somewhere else and I can do what I want as long as it's not under my parents roof. I'm trying to see their side of the argument where I'm still their baby as I'm the eldest and they've never experienced letting go or a child entering adulthood before and that I could get pregnant if all me and my boyfriend do in their house is have sex when stauing over with each other but we've talked about all that together and we are not ready or in the least prepared especially income wise for a baby and still feel we're a little too young for that but we just want to spend nights cuddling up with each other and spending long nights talking and whispering to each other and deepening our understanding and knowledge of each other and our friendship behind the relationship. Also we have both booked a hotel for 3 nights in london for our 18th and they have no problem with that and surely now what we're going to get up to anyway so I don't know what their problem is. Also it's only just taken alot of persuasion for my boyfriends mum come to terms with agreeing to let us stay together overnight as my mum asked me ';what does your boyfriends mum thionk your going to get up to in london in the first place, she should let him grow up and treat him like his age and that I don't care what you get up to as long as you don't come to me anytime soon telling me your pregnant and that your not doing it under our roof.'; I mean it's bad enough being told that but then to hear your parents have sex when they say you can't do anything in their house, is just worse and except for bedtime, my parents don't actually ever spend any time together. I would of thought it would of made sense for my mum and dad to agree on one rule so that I didn't get confused and have my confidence in them as good parents and my aspirations dropped or whatever you call it when you get all excited about something then someone crushes it. Also I would of thought that my parents would say I'd rather you come back home when it's free or even at night and try keep quiet about it and do what you do here safely rather than going out and selling yourself and doing things unsafely.


Can anyone help me or give me any answers as to what exactly is happening here or how the situation can resolve itself and be made better so that everyone gets what they want and there is no unwanted emotions or fallings out.Why don't my parents let my boyfriend stay over?
hiya, im a mum to 3 grown up girls. its one thing knowing your daughter is having sex.but to have it under your roof at any age is not on.my daughter was 19 and i would not let her bf sleep over,she goes to his mum house she does not mind. lots of mum's are like me.its just a personal thing.Why don't my parents let my boyfriend stay over?
pwrsurge.... couldnt have put it any better myself!
My parents had a simple rule. ';If you want to share a bed with someone in our house then it has to be with your husband.'; It's a good rule. What you do outside their house is your business.





edit - When your older you will see the fallacy of your arguments. For now, respect your parents wishes if only because you love them.
You're still they're ';little girl';. And I'm quite sure they aren't jumping at the idea of their daughter doing the nasty in their house.
your over 16, so its not illegal to have sex. %26amp; i think your parents are just caring for you and are worried that their daughter is being used for sex because sex is a big thing, if you have sex with someone and they have had sex before (sex users) your having sex with other people :L ifu get me. .. tel them what you think, maybe theyl let you.
I understand both of your points of view. As a parent of male teenagers one 17 and one 14 - I dont allow girls to sleep over, in fact, girls are welcome to visit my home but not allowed into the bedroom. This is BETTER than what i was allowed - I was not even allowed boys in the HOUSE!





You say that you are not ready for a baby for whatever reasons - do you mind me asking why you are having sex then? I'm not saying that we have sex only to procreate far from it so dont misunderstand me but what I am saying is that if you are sexually active you have to be prepared for the what if you got pregnant unexpectedly question? It happened to me! NO form of contraception is 100% against preventing pregnancy. So what would you do??? Only you and your boyfriend know the answer to this and you should discuss it...many girls get pressured into abortions and live the rest of their lives with regret.





Maybe your parents feel that what you get up to away from the home is your business but what happens in their home becomes THEIR business. They may not agree with pre-marital sex, for example, but whilst they cannot stop you, they can say it is not to happen in their home.





You say you just want to cuddle up to each other and whisper in each others ears, that is very romantic, but it could be that your parents will end up entertaining visions of you having rampant sex and it may be just too much to handle for them that this MAY be happening in their home [even in the next room! ]and their daughter being a participant [for want of a better word btw!]





Do you know what I would do? I would respect their views and when your boyfriend comes over, he sleeps on the couch. He does NOT wander into your room when everyone else is sleeping. Prove to them that you can respect their wishes and even thank them that he is allowed to stay over. See the positive here - they clearly like him if they will let him sleep over even if it is on the couch. If they see your respect and you dont push it, maybe in the next 6 months or so, they will allow him to share your bed.





Let them see maturity and responsibility and respect in BOTH of you and I bet it wont be long before they move the goal post.





All the best
You were underage when you beagan your sexual activity


On your parents home you should acceot their ground rules..
If you are living under their roof rent-free, then they are entitled to set the rules in their own house. You need to deal with it!
your dad doesnt want the rooster with the chicken cuz then there will be chickys ...respect your parents home until you can get your own place
they could fee uncomfortable that the fact that their daughter and a guy MIGHT be having sex in the next room kinda thing....





they can aslo feel like your setting a bad example to your siblings.... having sex and your parents knowing you do it once in a while is diffrent then... them KNOWING you guys are doing in the under the same roof at the same time...can you say WEIRD?..... try this....although its not too much the same but you still feel akward....ask your freinds with a bf to be in the next room doing it... while you just lay in bed in silence.... see how that fenow i dont have children but i am older then you but not by much (23) i have grown alot and do understand most of the things that parents go through and why they do it... its kind of ... ';i learned my lesson'; thing...





trust me... dont make it feel weird and akward for you and your parents.,,,, be an adult about it and respect your parents disicion...